Memory Traces

July 12, 2011 § 1 Comment

one million cologne – Gabe’s pinkies – flashing neon signs in Farsi – “Eastern toilets”… with a hose – “Ambassador Stevens!” – the lights illuminating the freeway into Tehran – driving in Mohammad’s car and hearing Messle Khodet – our icebox in Yazd – courtyards cooled by qanats – walking alone through the all-male section of a wedding party – beautiful North Tehran women with enviably large hair; I need a “bump prothesis” – Secrets Under the Scarves, Episode 426: hot, topless quarriers! – Hamid’s morning “Salaaaaaam!” – every day’s a holiday: Imams birthdays, the Prophet’s revelations – “Kheyli mamnoon pedaram,” “khahesh mikoonam dokhtaram” – the “Persian Version” is always better – siesta – the hallucinogenic effects of saffron – “rich, green-eyed, Persian husband” – Patty’s six-year old laugh – “My dear, I cannot build another Persepolis just for you” – domed carpet modeled after Sheikh Lotfoallah Mosque for $28,000 – bastani! – manteau shopping at Yaas, the Persian Target – “hubbly bubbly and tea” – Fantah! – Dub-bai – Gabe has another “appointment” – Shah Tom – tissues instead of napkins – “Time to scarf up!” – 169 knots per square centimeter, Caspian sea silk, all natural dyes – “Another nose job sighting!” – four types of Persian architecture: ziggurats, columns, squinches, square-based domes – Rebecca looks like a babushka – zam-zam cola – “Farsi balad neestam.” – all the Persian children look like miniature adults – “The traveller who forgets his homeland, when in May, goes to Shiraz.” – contemplation – holy water – another teacup with Naser Al-Din Shah’s face on it – pomegranate juice – Is that in rials, tomans, or dollars? How many decimal places? – double-butted Persian sheep – asiatic – lamb kabob is always our favorite – “Bezam berin, rafid!” – eram, behest, pardis-gotta admire a language that has so many words for “paradise”! – “Another shopportunity!” – “A Persian escalator! Oh boy!” – “Be careful, you may think you’re in the bazaar, but half of it is actually Chinatown.” – “Let’s do it!” – “Daddy!” – Amanda’s birthday cake at Abbasi Hotel – watching the baker throw bread on the oven wall, then eating it a minute later – entire families (father, mother, child and grandma) crammed on the back of a moped – “tight little package” – “I kind of enjoy switching from daughter to harem member.” – parents in absentia – “Toothpaste in Farsi! Fire extinguisher in Farsi! Cheese wrapper in Farsi!” – eggplants are the best vegetable ever invented – Farah Diva – “Heave-ho Rebecca, heave-ho!” – “Oh look. We self-segregated again.” – The Iranian-American Friendship League – Patty takes three showers a day – Chuck’s snazzy purple shirt – Mercedes sedan police cars – the national soup: barley – non-alcoholic Bavarian beer tasted like Lysol, unless drenched in lime – our edible Quran – “Was that the call to prayer?” – “You mean, you would like it if it weren’t essentially what it is?” – “Rebecca’s first wife, and I’m the understudy.” – no shoes at the mosque, or on the sedan bed, or anywhere inside – Imam Ali has eyelashes like a Maybelline ad – “Let’s extend to the Caspian Sea!” – “Dear Mom and Dad, Greetings from Baghdad!” – pistachio, saffron, walnut and Persian melon ice cream; daily – “You look demonic in your visa picture.” – Persian cat–meow! – trying to cross the street in Isfahan, at the risk of being killed – 4,000 year-old cypress tree – Nescafé instead of actual coffee – scarfless in the women’s restroom at Mehrabad Airport – waxed eyebrows – every thing’s closed between 1 and 5 pm – only people in the restaurant, again – Gabe’s date with a cute Isfahani and her male…. classmate – Tom loves flan – Turkish MTV is the only thing on at Ferdossi – “Would your lives ever really be complete without this carpet? You’ll regret it!” – “So, are you married?” “Oh, no I’m not.” “And how old are you?” “20.” “Oh.” – “The Great Satan has come to the axis of evil!” – “Quebleh towards Mecca” – “Time to blog!” – “You’re a harlot.” – “She’s getting her Master’s in International Affairs. She speaks the international language of love.” – “You have Barbie hair!” – “Ma’am, your Iranian passport please?” “Oh, no, I only have the American one.”

§ One Response to Memory Traces

  • First Wife says:

    My darling understudy, this posting brought the Persian dream back to me in all its carrot-jam-flavored vividness even as I sit here in the middle of nowhere Sri Lanka, the power on, the power off, the ocean smashing against the old fort walls outside. More, please!

    Signed, First Wife

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